Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
