Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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