i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
how drunk are you?
Several
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
