Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
