I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
