Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
