You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
