After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
