it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
