My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
