he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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