Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
