so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
