hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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