is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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