And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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