yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
