At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
