i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
