I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
