how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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