I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
