Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
