Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
