I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
