when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
