Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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