The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
