Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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