I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
