so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
as a side note pls kill me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
