I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
