and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
