Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
