I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
