we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
