At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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