I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
