If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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