I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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