a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize