Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
