What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
