butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
