swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
