And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
