ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
