Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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