He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
