I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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