I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
