her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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