The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The beer is more important than you right now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
