I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
