saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk is not a location!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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