i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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