I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
