I just made out with a guy for $7.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
