shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
