my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
there is glitter all over my balls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
