had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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