I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
