then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
