Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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