I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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