He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
