STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
