the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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