Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
