Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
