Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
