he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
