went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just crazy horny about you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
